Ask Gracie

Ask Gracie

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Winter Boots

Dear Gracie,

I libs in a place where it snows lots dis time ob year.  Da cold snow on my pawseees coz me dissstress but I twy to tell da owner/mistress/human-in-charge "No boots, me do not like boots" but she put dem boots on me anyways n I wun in circulars twying to get away from da boots but they be followin me where evers I go.  Gracie why do da human in charge torture me dis way?  Shall I gnarl and show my teef next times arounds?  Shall I show her hoos boss in dis house?  Or do I need to lib in da disgwace and humility of wed bootsies on my footsies?  


Dear Tortured,

Tsk, tsk, tsk.  Poor you.  I believe a pity party may be in order.  Let's all count to three.  One.  Two.  Three.  Ahhhhhhhhhhh
Live in my boots paws just one day and you would be thankful for your own pampered life.  I get very few walks in the winter.  And when I do...  a foot bath follows...   You heard that right.  A foot bath!  Listen, if you don't want to wear the boots just hide under the bed.  If she refuses to take you for a walk without the boots, then I'd bite the bullet (not the human) and let her put them on you.  One thing us dogs all agree on and that is that there is nothing more important than a walk and nothing, absolutely nothing at all can change our minds.  Not a set of booties or even a lously, smelly foot bath.  Chin up there kiddo.  But no biting.  


My mom, trying to lure me into the bathroom with her.
Ain't. Gonna. Happen.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Catty Cat

Dear Gracie:

The cat hissez at me all the time.  I am nice to her but she still hissez at me.  Yesterday she was hiding behind the couch and when I walked by she stuck out her paw and tried to claw my face off.  I am nothing but nice to her and she is nothing but mean to me.  How can I make her like me?

Your friend,

Dear Casper,

Are you a dog or a mouse?  Stand up to that catty attitude.  Pass a little gasssssss  whenever you walk by where she is or better yet,  right about the time when you need your anal glands taken care of, blanket her with lots and lots of love i.e. close quarters and rubbing up against the mischievous little troublemaker.  Mom and Dad will think it's cute.  But she will detest you for it.  Oh.  Wait a minute.  Your question was how can you make her like you?  That, my friend, I do not know.  I'd suggest getting even instead. 

Good luck,