Rescues Taking Over

Dear Gracie,

My house is filled with rescues.  There is a rescue cat, three rescue dogs, and even a rescue bird named Ivan.  With all these rescues living in my house and taking privy to my spaces I am wondering who in this world will rescue me!  I am a cat, BTW.  And this is and has always been my house.  I can find no place at all to be alone anymore.   Any suggestions?

Disgusted Feline

Dear Disgusted Feline,

Seriously!!?  I have been begging the peeps (for what seems like forever) to bring me home a rescue or two.  But it's a no go.  Do you have any idea how lucky you are!?  Listen dude (or dudette) you should thank your lucky catnip that you don't live the boring, sad, lonely, sleepy life of an only fur-friend.  I'm not trying to drum up pity but hey, go ahead and feel sorry for me if it floats your boat. ...  but the thing is, my pack consists of three (two of which consider themselves to be peeeples and don't even acknowledge that they are by default a part of my pack).  So put on your party hat and break out the Friskies tuna delite, my friend.  Drop the attitude and enjoy the company.  **shakes head**

Your friend,

Gracie

Ruby Needs Advice!

Dear Gracie,

How do I get my assistant to let me blog more often? She claims to be too busy ...but I don't believe her.

Ruby (and Angel Pip)

Dear Ruby,

 You gotta create havoc that is blog-worthy in order for her to allow you to blog.  You have four tough boots to fill (from Angel Pip) but from the gleam in your eyes Ms Ruby...  I think you can do it!  Pip came to my house one time with one of his delinquent friends and stole my mom and dads big wooden ear out of our yard!!  When's the last time you stole a huge body part that grew from the ground?  Or hung from chandeliers like Pip and his delinquent friend used to do?  Now go, young girl...  and make Angel Pip proud!  I will be looking for your many posts!!

Your friend,
Gracie 

Do Cats have Superiority Complex?

Dear Gracie,

I just got my ears "boxed" by my Auntie Kim's cat "Mr. Tom" ... who does he think he is anyway?  Gracie, do cats have superiority complex or what??

Lily The Pointer

Dear Lily, 

Have you ever seen a cat kitteh give up their place on the couch to a dog?  Do cats kitteh's welcome their people by jumping on them, licking their faces, and crying because of missing them so much when they return home?  Or do they instead hiss at the dog whenever he/she even looks like he/she might want to curl up on the very end of the same couch said cat kitteh is sitting on? Kitteh's tend to give their humans a glare upon their return home as if to say, "back so soon?" then they slink into a hole somewhere to be left alone.  So, dear Lily, to answer your question, I'm afraid Mr. Tom thinks he is Alpha cat and kitteh's having a superiority complex is putting it lightly.  It sounds to me like Mr. Tom needs to be taught a lesson.  A clean cat is a happy cat.  Try the delicates cycle first.  If that doesn't work, go for the heavy duty.
Good Luck to you, and whatever you do, never reprimand the cat in front of humans.  Never.

Kindest Regards,

Gracie 

Kitteh's Belong In Their Place

Dear Gracie,

I have heards from udders dat da cats rule and doggie's drool.  Any trufe to dat?  My bro Siamese Sammy tinks it be true.  I tink it garbage.  What be your take on dis o wise one?  - perturbed poodle

Dear perturbed,

My dear friend, you have been misinformed, no doubt.  Kitteh's are nice and I'll admit that I wouldn't mind having one of my own BUT they have their place.  They belong in litter boxes/on counter tops/under chairs/outside/in cardboard boxes with a hole cut into the side so they can breath/in washing machines.
They in no way belong on the humans bed, in their laps, or at the dinner table anywhere near steak/hamburger/ or chickie bird.  In short, my dear perturbed friend... DOGS RULE, KITTEH'S DROOL.  Did this help? 

Kindest Regards,

Gracie.

Privacy Fence Great Idea!

 preachur99 said...

OK,here's my problem. My mom wants to put up a PRIVACY FENCE around my yard! I don't want a darn fence! How am I suppose to spy on my neighbors with a privacy fence? If she does that I will leave my land mines all over the yard...that will somewhat get even with her. When the grand-babies come to visit and wanna play in the back yard it will be poops galore...heheheh. My question:what does Gracie think?

Dear Preachur99:  First of all, I think your dog would love the privacy fence.  If she's anything like me *wink-wink*  she does not take well to the neighbors anyway.  As far as the land mines go, hey...  a dog's gotta do what a dog's gotta do... with or without the fence.  Nothing new there under the sun.  AND as for the grand-babies, well most GRAMMY's love their grandbabies so much that they would make sure the yard was spic and span before turning the kiddo's loose in the beautiful, well thought out, private yard.  A privacy fence!  What a great idea!!  Gracie.

Selfish Peeps Need To Share

Dear Gracie
My Peeps have been mean spirited and have refused to give us extra snacks and luxury foods. They eat them all themselves. We do ask but mostly they ignore us and our pleading eyes. Pip and I have decided enough is enough. We want to stage a protest. What do you think would be the best approach? Foodables are there to be shared are they not? We'd share our dog food if they asked. Yours miserable of Suburbia.
Best wishes Molly

Dear Miserable of Suburbia AKA Molly,

Yea, yea, yea... I get it.  There is no one pup more experienced in this thing than I.  Never fear, dear furry friend.  I have the answer!  Protests are good, but we must remember - holding signs and marching around the house will not get us what we want.  No - no.  Our peeps see this thing as 'cute' and keeping us busy so we're not bothering them.  You will want to do something to really get their attention.  FYI pooping on the floor won't work (wrong kind of attention).  The next time the peeps are selfish around you and refuse to share the good stuff, go to the far corner of the room and fling yourself to the floor.  Find the most pathetic face that you own and wear it.  Lay there.  Motionless.  Try not to make eye contact.  That just makes them think you're begging for attention.  If they call your name, ignore them.  Even if they mention some key words like 'walk' or 'go'... pretend you are too ill to respond.  I promise you, the next words from the peeps mouths will be ones that will try to bring you back from your sad, pitiful, coma-like state and will include 'see if she'll eat a cookie' and 'try a chunk of your pizza.. she's always liked pizza.'  Pip should try this approach as well.   This protest is tried and true.  Guaranteed to turn those selfish peeps into loving, caring, sharing saints.  Good luck, my friend.

Gracie.

Tricked Trixie

Dear Gracie, 

Me have free brudders and two sissers and none of dem will let me eat da good foods.  Me mama puts out da good foods which is from da free dog bakkery and da brudders and sissers push mes asides and says go check out da winnows we tinks da mailmans on its way.  (I fall for dat line every times coz I be hatin dat mailmans wit a passion) Dat way when I comes back only da cheap dogs food is left overs.  I'm like what da heck?  Any advice?  Yours truly, Tricked Trixie.

Dear Trixie,

What a Bozo Coward Idiot poor sweet thing you are.  You need to tell your mama about this.  Not that she'll do anything about it.  Come to think of it... if she's anything like mine, she'll call you a tattle tale so scratch that idea.  Let me re-think.  Okay.  I got it.  Here's the solution.  Where does your mama keep this special food?  Now.  When all the lazy bums get to resting after gobbling up all the good stuff, tear into it.  Don't worry about getting in trouble.  You're the sweet one.  The mama will take one look at your cute whiskery face all full of the good food and run for her camera to take a picture. No worries.  

Gracie.