Kitteh's Belong In Their Place

Dear Gracie,

I have heards from udders dat da cats rule and doggie's drool.  Any trufe to dat?  My bro Siamese Sammy tinks it be true.  I tink it garbage.  What be your take on dis o wise one?  - perturbed poodle

Dear perturbed,

My dear friend, you have been misinformed, no doubt.  Kitteh's are nice and I'll admit that I wouldn't mind having one of my own BUT they have their place.  They belong in litter boxes/on counter tops/under chairs/outside/in cardboard boxes with a hole cut into the side so they can breath/in washing machines.
They in no way belong on the humans bed, in their laps, or at the dinner table anywhere near steak/hamburger/ or chickie bird.  In short, my dear perturbed friend... DOGS RULE, KITTEH'S DROOL.  Did this help? 

Kindest Regards,

Gracie.

Privacy Fence Great Idea!

 preachur99 said...

OK,here's my problem. My mom wants to put up a PRIVACY FENCE around my yard! I don't want a darn fence! How am I suppose to spy on my neighbors with a privacy fence? If she does that I will leave my land mines all over the yard...that will somewhat get even with her. When the grand-babies come to visit and wanna play in the back yard it will be poops galore...heheheh. My question:what does Gracie think?

Dear Preachur99:  First of all, I think your dog would love the privacy fence.  If she's anything like me *wink-wink*  she does not take well to the neighbors anyway.  As far as the land mines go, hey...  a dog's gotta do what a dog's gotta do... with or without the fence.  Nothing new there under the sun.  AND as for the grand-babies, well most GRAMMY's love their grandbabies so much that they would make sure the yard was spic and span before turning the kiddo's loose in the beautiful, well thought out, private yard.  A privacy fence!  What a great idea!!  Gracie.

Selfish Peeps Need To Share

Dear Gracie
My Peeps have been mean spirited and have refused to give us extra snacks and luxury foods. They eat them all themselves. We do ask but mostly they ignore us and our pleading eyes. Pip and I have decided enough is enough. We want to stage a protest. What do you think would be the best approach? Foodables are there to be shared are they not? We'd share our dog food if they asked. Yours miserable of Suburbia.
Best wishes Molly

Dear Miserable of Suburbia AKA Molly,

Yea, yea, yea... I get it.  There is no one pup more experienced in this thing than I.  Never fear, dear furry friend.  I have the answer!  Protests are good, but we must remember - holding signs and marching around the house will not get us what we want.  No - no.  Our peeps see this thing as 'cute' and keeping us busy so we're not bothering them.  You will want to do something to really get their attention.  FYI pooping on the floor won't work (wrong kind of attention).  The next time the peeps are selfish around you and refuse to share the good stuff, go to the far corner of the room and fling yourself to the floor.  Find the most pathetic face that you own and wear it.  Lay there.  Motionless.  Try not to make eye contact.  That just makes them think you're begging for attention.  If they call your name, ignore them.  Even if they mention some key words like 'walk' or 'go'... pretend you are too ill to respond.  I promise you, the next words from the peeps mouths will be ones that will try to bring you back from your sad, pitiful, coma-like state and will include 'see if she'll eat a cookie' and 'try a chunk of your pizza.. she's always liked pizza.'  Pip should try this approach as well.   This protest is tried and true.  Guaranteed to turn those selfish peeps into loving, caring, sharing saints.  Good luck, my friend.

Gracie.