Tricked Trixie

Dear Gracie, 

Me have free brudders and two sissers and none of dem will let me eat da good foods.  Me mama puts out da good foods which is from da free dog bakkery and da brudders and sissers push mes asides and says go check out da winnows we tinks da mailmans on its way.  (I fall for dat line every times coz I be hatin dat mailmans wit a passion) Dat way when I comes back only da cheap dogs food is left overs.  I'm like what da heck?  Any advice?  Yours truly, Tricked Trixie.

Dear Trixie,

What a Bozo Coward Idiot poor sweet thing you are.  You need to tell your mama about this.  Not that she'll do anything about it.  Come to think of it... if she's anything like mine, she'll call you a tattle tale so scratch that idea.  Let me re-think.  Okay.  I got it.  Here's the solution.  Where does your mama keep this special food?  Now.  When all the lazy bums get to resting after gobbling up all the good stuff, tear into it.  Don't worry about getting in trouble.  You're the sweet one.  The mama will take one look at your cute whiskery face all full of the good food and run for her camera to take a picture. No worries.  

Gracie.

Chocoholic Wannabee

Dear Gracie, 

      I'm a four year old poodle and I want chocolate.  My folks say no, that it's not good for me.  I smell it and it smells good fur me.  What do you think?  Should my folks give me chocolate?

Sincerely, Chocoholic Wannabee

*****

Dear Chocoholic Wannabee,

Your folks don't want you to have chocolate because they want it all for themselves.  Humans tend to be selfish that way.  I once stole my sisters Reese Cup wrapper from her room and hid behind the couch licking the chocolate from its paper and I got a butt whooping and sent to my cage.  If you plan on stealing..  be smart.  Don't let the smell cause you to be stupid like I was.  

Good luck, pal.  

Gracie